Born in the USA

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    So where's the real birth certificate, that's what I want to know. Donald Trump posted his alleged long form on the internet, but I checked it out on my iPhone. The thing is tiny! I haven't actually checked, but I'm pretty sure there aren't any states that issue postage stamp sized birth certificates. And where was he really born? He claims he was born in Queens, New York, but I checked and there is no city of Queens--it's a borough. And when I enlarged certain areas of his posted certificate, I saw that he was actually born in Jamaica hospital. Last time I looked, Jamaica isn't in America.
    When will the Donald come clean? I demand that he release his real birth certificate. The big one. The one that shows he was actually born in Russia, which is also not in America. If he wasn't born in the USSR, why does he keep marrying women with funny accents? Why won't he tell us that? And what about his college transcripts? He claims he has an education, but have you listened to him talk? I'm thinking of sending some investigators out to see what they can dig up. Or I could just make some stuff up--it seems to work for everybody else.
--Stephen P.

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